Its been a big week and a half.  Fiver turned 1, I turned 35, we’ve been traveling all over the place to celebrate and our adventures continue next week as we leave for Charleston.

A couple weeks before all of this my dear friend Susan asked if I had had the time to reflect on the past year and process the experience of motherhood amidst all the party planning and packing.  I hadn’t.  On my birthday I sat down in a coffee shop and I did think about all that has changed in me, in us and in our life together.  The big surprise was how much I thought about our business and how it has changed along side us: for the better.  So I decided it might be appropriate to share my memories and ramblings here.

His Birth:  While sitting in that coffee shop one year from my labor, the Rolling Stones spoke to me over the radio with eerie relevance.   “You can’t always get what you want, you get what you need.”  His arrival remains the most amazing day of my life.

The Animal in Us:  You have to join the species before you can join the race.  I taught Fiver about his pincher grasp (all the better to pick up Cheerios with, my dear) and how to tear into food with your front teeth and gum it until you get your molars.  He taught me how to trust my maternal instincts when they went against social norms or what the books say to do.  He really made me think about the act of smiling and why it is a man cub’s very first physical milestone:  it is the key to our survival and our most powerful ability, more powerful than our hands or even our minds.

Mommyness:  I thought motherhood would be another layer of me, another identity, another club to join.  I was surprised to find out that it was at the very center of me.  Knowing that has made me more relaxed, more forgiving, more creative, more free.  To look at my son and know, “ohh, so that’s why I am here”…I guess it took the pressure off.  I can never be anything greater than Momma.

Photography:  My son made me better at my job by making me lose all interest in technique, special effects, publishing or politics.  Being a parent, at least so far, is a wonderful exercise in living in the present: autopilot is completely deactivated and nothing stays the same long enough to reinstate it.  As a result, I have become more comfortable in the here and now and this is really where seeing begins.  I’m not as present in my office chair as I used to be and that is frustrating for me at times but I am much more present to the moment than I have ever been and that’s the heart of our business.  I have forgotten about the camera in my hands.

Creativity:  Its never been stronger in me than it is right now.  There aren’t enough hours in the day for all the things I want to make so I have to make hours too.  Unwavering support for my creativity was the greatest of many great gifts my parents ever gave to me.  I can’t wait to pay it forward.

Our Job:  Has never seemed at all important until now.  We know that we’re not out there curing cancer, feeding the hungry, or doing anything to elevate the human race as a whole.  But sometimes, and if you haven’t already found me cheesy this is where I’m going to tip the scale all the way towards Cheese Whiz, I wonder about the power of looking at a photograph that shows us how we were loved.   Weddings go by so fast.  Babies grow up so fast.  Fiver won’t have formed any memories of his own over this year but he will see our memory of it.  I’m just happy that we really tried to document this artfully and authentically.  I am reminded of a Duane Michels piece titled, This Photograph is My Proof with the caption beneath the photo reading, “This photograph is my proof.  There was that afternoon, when things were still good between us and she embraced me and we were so happy.  It did happen, she did love me, Look for yourself!”  I hope that, on a hard or uncertain day, a client or child of a client can pull out an album or photograph we took just like my son will and think, “it did happen, she/he did love me, look for yourself!”  Documentary photography isn’t the most noble of professions we could have chosen.  But its pretty good.

I look at these photos of myself over this year, disheveled and without make up, bra straps hanging out and hair out of place, laugh lines in the creases and bags under my eyes and I smile.  I see a woman wearily in love.

Posted by Mel @ 3:45 am, in Personal, Portraits, Wee Ones | 5 Comments | Permalink

Time is flying because I just realized that Baby Milo was born a month ago today, prompting me to get my act together and share photos from Day #1 like I promised I would.  It was a stealthy 10 minute visit to the hospital the afternoon of his birth, just enough time to congratulate our dear friends, oogle over Milo’s preciousness and duck out as Grandma Sue arrived.  Predictably I did more oogling than Sam but we both had to agree that Milo was one gorgeous kid.  Olivia looked nothing short of amazing, the woman makes a hospital gown look good.  And you can just see Lincoln’s pride.  They say its good to have a doctor and a lawyer in the family but I say its good to have a photographer too.  Congrats once again to Olivia and Lincoln and a very warm welcome to Milo Arthur!

Posted by Mel @ 2:44 pm, in Newborns, Personal, Wee Ones | 1 comment | Permalink

I was sad to miss my neighbor Cadence’s first birthday party back in June, Tracy and I were pregnant together with our babies and its still hard to believe that more than a year has gone by since Cadence was the new kid on the block.  The week after the party  I asked Tracy if I could walk across the street with a baby, a cupcake and a camera to treat myself to a replay of the big event.   This is what happened… I would call it a smashing success!

Happy belated Birthday, beautiful Baby Cadence.  I’m so glad that you came along and that you get to grow up right across the street from us, the best is yet to come!

Posted by Mel @ 4:10 pm, in Personal, Portraits, Wee Ones | 8 Comments | Permalink

You might guess that its easier to take pictures of family members than clients, at least that’s what I would have guessed, but Sam and I talk often about how its the opposite for us.  We wish we knew why.  Is it knowing too much about someone?  Wanting to say too much about someone?  Are we relying less on instinct with someone we know?  Are we afraid of showing them how we see them?  All of thee above, maybe, but mostly I just can’t maintain a professional self with my family and friends, I become a fit of giggles holding a camera.  But I wanted so badly to take photos of Olivia, good photos, something for her husband and son to remember this time by.  So I asked if I could try.

Olivia’s husband Lincoln has been Sam’s brother since they were nine, blood is a mere technicality.  Lincoln lived with Sam’s family through high school and just about every story Sam tells begins with, “My buddy Lincoln and I….”  When I was first dating Sam, Lincoln was the person in his life that I was the most nervous about meeting for the first time.  So if that gives you any idea how important these folk are in our life, well, you know how difficult this shoot should have been for me because Olivia has become my sister too.

But it wasn’t really that hard.  For one thing, Olivia is gorgeous so that was easy.  And I didn’t have to direct too much, I just kind of watched her be.  We both laughed a lot because it was a little awkward and strange, to play model and photographer for an hour like little girls role playing.  But I’m really glad we did it and I was happy with what I got.

When you pull up to Lincoln and Olivia’s place the driveway winds your car around the cottage like a hug as the sun dances through the trees. Its one of those places that has good energy though I’ll never know if its because it was always there or because Lincoln and Olivia put it there.  I’m slightly obsessed with the shed out back and the barrel rings that hang on the side, rough with rust but round like a baby bump.  The garden was feeling a little too cliche but I liked the tomato shots anyway.  The daisy shots were my favorite though because they were the most Olivia to me.

I worked on this edit yesterday while Olivia labored with Milo Arthur, who joined our world at 11:57 weighing 7 lbs, 11oz.  I’m so tempted to share photos we took at the hospital yesterday but I think they should be the first to post pictures when they can.  So stay tuned for those, we’re just so thrilled to have Baby Milo here.  Something tells me that an adult Fiver will start a lot of stories with, “My buddy Milo and I….”

Posted by Mel @ 5:46 pm, in Bellies, Personal, Portraits, Wee Ones | 3 Comments | Permalink